I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
