There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
