This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
