nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need help removing her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
