i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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