you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
