woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
