I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
