No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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