Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
