We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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