so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
