i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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