dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
