I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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