I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
