hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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