So drunk its hurt
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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