Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
