I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
