singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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