why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
