dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
