the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
