So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
