i barfeds in our rink
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
