Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
