I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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