I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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