You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
