Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
