She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
