eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
