hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
