Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
