as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
