i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
