I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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