I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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