you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
