jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
