with your own penis?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
