i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
