Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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