SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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