Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
