I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
