Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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