why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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