is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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