Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have tasted many bathrooms
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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