Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
