is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
